Running away from winter

Every year, I spend autumn chasing sun & running away from winter. Fast.

This pattern has only gotten more extreme in my adulthood.

This year, I find myself rapidly searching for flights to places that aren’t raining during Christmas, only to find that it’s gray and raining…everywhere I want to go.

Sometimes I think it’s because I am a summer baby. A true Leo. Actually, I am a triple fire sign [moon in Sag, rising in Aries!]. Or because the end of summer means the return to school, to work, to labor. Sometimes I think it’s because as a child, rain and cold meant no work for dad (construction). And no work for dad meant meth, alcohol, depression, incarceration. Or maybe it's because you wake up, work, and then it's dark before you finish work? Come on, who is not depressed by that? Or maybe, just maybe, I think it’s because summer is just objectively the best season, right?

I don’t know if I will ever not run away from winter. I don’t know if I even want that. I love summer. I love the sun and heat. That’s part of who I am, for all the reasons above. Not having functioning biological parents nor siblings is hard during the winter for me. Being single during winter is hard for me. Being single during the holidays is hard for me. But that’s OK. How often do I get to experience joy, for many months of the year? Very often. So if you see me or connect with me in the next few weeks, knowing that I’m an honest person, know that I might respond with “I’m OK” when you ask me how I’m doing. Because I’m not feeling so great right now. And that’s OK.

Summer joy. 2018. Photo by Farah Sosa of FARAHSTOP, of course.