Love Changes Everything

Being in love changes every facet of one's existence.

My last serious relationship lasted five years and ended in the spring of 2017. It was a difficult time. My father, my single parent, passed away about three months after my hideous breakup. The second half of 2017 was, by far, the most difficult time I had ever experienced as an adult. My relationship had expired years ago, but my unhealthy parental attachment to him and past partners had me convinced that he was... The One [barf.]

2018 was the year of continued pain, a *somewhat* fun casual relationship, grieving my papa, and really getting in touch with some dark sides of myself. 2019 was the year of learning how to really be alone, and having fun with it. It was also, most importantly, the year of healing the wounds that under lied certain unhealthy relationship patterns that marked my teens and 20s. 2020 was the year of internal peace, complete celibacy, inner knowingness, and happiness. I was lonely, yes, but I was still happy. I wanted a companion, I wanted love, I wanted intimacy; but I was still happy being single and continued to invest deeply in my friendships and my many communities. And most of all, I kept nourishing my heart, and saying out loud what I wanted in life. 

2021 was the year I lost my mama and found the best, most deeply nourishing and exciting love I have ever felt with a romantic partner. We met in January, so we have been together for almost one year. And this brings me to the title of my essay: love changes everything. 

 

During those 3.5 years of being single, I was acutely aware of the differences between me and my non-single friends: they always had someone to accompany them, they weren't seeking as much additional socializing as I was, they relied on me less, they had someone to share responsibility with, and they were less available for friendship more generally. There were times where this frustrated me. I was happy that my friends were in love but I was mad that it meant that they were less available than I was. Luckily, I was able to see why, and my happiness for them outweighed my mad feelings. Let's just say I wasn't BIG MAD.

Three and a half years single - it makes you forget what it's like to be in a relationship. To trust with your whole heart; to feel supported any comforted in your life decisions; to have regular access to physical touch, intimacy, and sex; to share responsibilities - small to large; to just... share life with someone who you adore and cherish. It's such a blessing. Life is harder when you are single compared to being in a healthy loving relationship - that is my opinion. 

My point in writing this essay is to simply share with you how love changed my life. Not only the transition from being single to being in a relationship, but being in the best relationship of my life. I feel grateful for it everyday, I choose it everyday. It challenges me in big ways, all the time, but I would never trade it. It's just so incredible - and to have a partner who I can infinitely trust, who takes pride in the work he puts into our dynamic and relationship, who's also... so fkn hot! 

I give thanks to all my wonderful friends and family, in and out of relationships who have shown me all the ways one can love, trust, be in community, and share responsibility.

 Love is everything to me. 

Community is everything to me. 

Love changes everything.